Tracie's Present

My wife Tracie gave me a wonderful wedding present – something I have desired for years, but didn’t think I would receive so soon.  The present is two wonderful step-children – Timothy & Jasmine.  On our wedding day, I went from a house of one to being a family of four. 

Becoming husband and step-dad on the same day was an adjustment for this 40 year old man, but it has been great!  For a long time, I lived by myself and when I saw announcements for “family events” I thought of moms & dads with their children, and the thought of me being there by myself brought fears of parents trying to keep their kids away from “that guy creeping around.”  For a long time, I’ve watched many of you raise your children, taxi-ing them to their various events of interest, eat with them, play with them, and helping them through sickness. 

I’ve enjoyed the small thing such as walking across the street to pick them up from school, walking home from school, playing on the play ground (Tracie and I play on the slides and swings too), answering home work questions, and sharing some things that delight me.  Timothy has been in Cub Scouts this year and will soon transition to Boy Scouts.  We’ve enjoyed sharing stories from my scouting days as we guide him through creating his own learning experience.  Jasmine will draw cars with the number “43” on the door.  Jasmine enjoyed a brief shopping trip we made to a sporting goods store to pick up some rattling fishing lures.  She was fascinated with all of the “shad baits” in the bright colors.  She would choose the purple and chartreuse colors over the boring black and chrome colors I picked.   Both of them have become very attached to a fish pillow I have that looks like a bluegill.  They named it “Mr. Fishman.”

Being husband and step-dad has changed my perspective on the wellness of Dean - greater purpose to take care of myself physically and with the choices I make.  I want to be around a long time for all three of these wonderful people God has blessed me with and entrusted into my care.  Soon, we will gather fishing rods and live bait to catch bluegill.  I will inform them that it’s not “Mr. Fishman” we are catching.

Thanks for your wonderful support and understanding as Tracie, Jasmine, Timothy and I have blended into the family that we are.

Life Celebration

(NOTE: The following entry was written as a worship devotion for a high school youth retreat to Alabama's Lake Guntersville State Park Lodge for February 28, 2010. I have edited it slightly for this blog entry.)

When I am anywhere around Guntersville Lake, I think about my friend Mike Williams. It seems that no matter what I do, I can’t shake the pain and disappointment of losing one of my closest friends of 20 years. We both LOVED this place and made many fishing memories separately and together on these waters. There are times when I get in a daze and stare at the clouds caught up in the thought, “What do I do now that you are gone? How do I move forward?”

Then, last fall, I began reading a book that helped me begin moving forward and rather than focus on the hardships, the negative, the difficult, the disappointing, and the loss – it helped me begin focusing on the great, the beautiful, the happy, the pleasant, and the thankful. The book is Cold Tangerines – Celebrating the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life by Shauna Niequist (Niequist, Shauna, Cold Tangerines – Exploring the Extraordinary Nature of Everyday Life, Grand Rapids: Zondervan, 2007.) Here are some excerpts from the introduction (p. 9-11):

“This book is a shameless appeal for celebration.

I know that the world is several versions of mad right now. I know that pessimism and grimness sometimes seem like the only responsible choices. I wake up at night and think about pesticides and international politics and fundamentalism and disease and roadside bombs and the fact that one day my parents will die. I had a hard year his year, the hardest I’ve yet known. I worry about the world we’re creating for my baby boy. I get the pessimism and the grimness.

And that’s why I’m making a shameless appeal for celebration. Because I need to.

I need optimism and celebration and hope in the face of violence and despair and anxiety. And because the other road is a dead end. Despair is a slow death, and a lifetime of anger…shows on your face and your eyes and your words when you think it doesn’t.

The only option, as I see it, is this delicate weaving of action and celebration, of intention and expectation. Let’s act, read, protest, protect, picket, learn, advocate for, fight against, but let’s be careful that in the midst of all that accomplishing and organizing, we don’t bulldoze over a world that’s teeming with hope an redemption all around us and in the meantime…Today, humble Today, presents itself to us with all the ceremony and bling of a glittering diamond ring: Wear me, it says. Wear me out. Love me, dive into me, discover me, it pleads with us.

The discipline of celebration is changing my life, and it is because of the profound discoveries that this way of living affords to me that I invite you into the same practice…What God does in the tiny corners of our day-to-day lives is stunning and gorgeous and headline-making, but we have a bad habit of saving the headlines for the grotesque and scary…

…To choose to celebrate in the world we live in right now might seem irresponsible. It might seem frivolous…But I believe it is a serious undertaking, and one that has the potential to return us to our best selves, to deliver us back to the men and women God created us to be, people who choose to be the best, believe the best, yearn for the best. Through that longing to be our best selves, we are changed and inspired and ennobled, able to see the handwriting of a holy God where another person just sees the same old tired streets and sidewalks…

…The world is alive, blinking and clicking, winking at us slyly, inviting you to get up and dance to the music that’s been playing since the beginning of time, if you bend all the way down and put your ear to the ground to listen for it.”

Looking from atop Lake Guntersville State Park Lodge atop Little Mountain, you can soak in the beauty of this state park. Below is the largest lake in the state of Alabama. The mighty Tennessee River bends as it makes it’s turn to head nearly west on it’s way to Decatur and Florence. You can see the forest covered mountains of mighty hardwoods of oaks and maples. You can see the limestone rocks and see the weathering from many rainstorms. Above, eagles and hawks fly through a harsh winter for Northern Alabama. All of these things have made it through many storms of lightning, tornadoes, torrential rain, ice and freezing temperatures. However, the river keeps flowing, the eagles continue to search for food and the trees are ready to blossom out with new leaves of Spring. Soon this gray forest will turn pink, white, and green with life abundant.

I want to celebrate life. I’ve lost my dad, Granddaddy, a very close friend and a very dear student. Now, I move forward to build on the influence they had on my life. Guntersville Lake is where I took my first boat ride; learned to fish; fished with family and friends; took Tracie, Timothy & Jasmine fishing for the first time; and proposed to my wife! Tracie and I had dinner in this lodge the night we were engaged! I have a wonderful wife who I longed to be with and we’ve been married a year now! I am a step-dad to two wonderful children who seem to soak up the things that bring me happiness. My dad taught me how to fish and Granddaddy cultivated that. Mike helped me to revel in the joy of fishing. Guess what? Now, it’s time for me to pass this on to Timothy and Jasmine – and along with Tracie - teach them how to fish and soak in the beauty of the world of forests, lakes and rivers, watch eagles soar, hear frogs croak, and stare at clouds.

I get to continue ministering in the same church where my friend Mike Williams ministered to me! I get to pass on through teaching, playing and hanging out with a great group of students at a church where I was baptized. I get a chance to know these great students and be a part of their lives!

It’s time to celebrate what is in front and around us. As you read this, feel free to take part of an exercise. First find a notebook, a journal, or a sheet of paper. At the top of the page, write, “These are the celebrations of (write your name).”

Now, take several minutes to write your own celebrations. Here is a guide to follow. (If it helps you to do this while listening to music, feel free to do so):

1. What things do you have to celebrate? (could be your family, friends, the fact you are about to graduate from high school, going off to college, etc.)
2. What do you look forward to celebrating this year? (this is the big stuff, of course, but think of the small every-day things such as having ice cream with a friend, swimming at the pool, chance to fish/play sports/dance, etc.)
3. Make a list of at least 10 things that you want to do between now and the end of 2010.
4. What are you thankful to God about?

Today, begin storing your memories and celebrations and together let’s put our ear to the ground and join with Shauna Niequist to “…return us to our best selves, to deliver us back to the men and women God created us to be, people who choose to be the best, believe the best, yearn for the best.”